Liberal’s Theorem: Bush = God


Never a fan of Math in high school or college, one of the only disciplines I enjoyed was Geometry.

Geometry was the wonderful world of proofs that I enjoyed. It provided the rigorous mathematical argument which unequivocally demonstrates the truth of a given proposition.

A favorite example of this type of logic can be found in Douglas Adams masterwork “The Hitchhikers Guide to Galaxy.” It goes like this:

According to the Hitchhiker's Guide, the Babel fish was put forth as a fideist example for the non-existence of God:

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. Q.E.D."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

Just so we start from a common reference point the definition of God I am using for this Theorem is the following:

The term God refers to a specific monotheistic concept of a Supreme Being in accordance with Christian, Jewish, Muslim and some Hindu traditions. As it relates to Theism, the belief specifically in God, who is actively involved in maintaining the Universe.

By this train of logic, liberals across America (and the World for that matter) are substantively trying to prove that they believe George W. Bush is God. The theorem goes like this:

“It is George W. Bush’s fault that Terrorists attacked us http://www.fareedzakaria.com/articles/newsweek/101501_why.html It is George W. Bush’s fault that Katrina happened http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr/afor-they-that-sow-the-_b_6396.html” say liberals.

"But," says a thoughtful thinker, "this is a dead giveaway isn't it? Only an Omnipotent being could wield the power you purport that this President has. It proves that he must be a Supreme Being, so therefore you are asserting that George W. Bush is God. Q.E.D."

"Oh dear," says the liberal, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes leaving behind only Birkenstocks and a Lesbian folksong CD.

My favorite part of the proof is the Q.E.D. at the end (which is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase "quod erat demonstrandum" literally, "that which was to be demonstrated").

President Bush is just a man, a flawed man at that. There are plenty of real problems which the country faces. While I do not purport to be Dick Morris, Paul Begala, or James Carville, here is some advice to my “Progressive” friends, three words, GET OVER IT.

Maybe you can use this as your rallying cry, hire the Eagles to follow around your candidates singing:

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

George W. Bush won twice. He is not going to be impeached. Try coming up with some plans of your own, and before you answer to quickly, stopping the Republicans is not a plan; it is a strategy.

As a parting thought, here are some free recommendations for your platform:

Focus on Natural Disasters
As a way to continue to criticize President Bush on Katrina, call for widely expanding programs to address the following:

1. Earthquake proof all structures west of the San Andreas Fault to sustain a 8.0 Richter Scale event. (You can even tie-in the 100 anniversary of the devastating 1906 San Francisco quake). With 35 millions people in California, versus 4 million in Louisiana, even a moderate earthquake could dwarf Katrina in its impact. Get out in front of this issue!
2. Catastrophic eruptions have occurred at Yellowstone National Park about 2 million years ago, then 1.2 million years ago, and then 600,000 years a go. Many credible scientists believe we may be due for another eruption. Seize on this fear, (if Yellowstone were to erupt at the same level as the most recent eruption, most of the Western U.S. would be covered in several feet of ash, agriculture and livestock would be wiped out, a 20 mile high plume of ash would cause a Volcanic winter). This makes Katrina look like some splashing at a wave pool. Don’t be the party that didn’t reinforce the levies, get ahead of this one by pouring billions into engineering efforts to avert a Yellowstone eruption.

Remember “Progressives,” Carpe Diem (which does not mean Bash Bush). At least I don’t think it does...

Since our 43rd President wields such omnipotent powers, you might worry that at the first sign of a political shift, he will exercise his total control of the physical universe and the minds of men to align all of these forces against you.

At least this gives you an excuse if you lose in 2006…

Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it