President Bush’s War on Terror
Reality Tour

I like many Americans am disenchanted with the coverage the mainstream media is providing on the war on terror. However, to simply state that, complain, whine and pout does every soldier who is a member of this noble effort a disservice. Instead, our President must act!

As a fan of Seinfeld, you may have heard of the “Real Kramer’s” reality tour. The “Real Kramer” invites you to join him as he takes you on a bus and video tour of New York City to sights made famous on America's # 1 sitcom.

If it is good enough for Kramer, it is good enough for President Bush.

First Stop Salman Pak
With his every present entourage of reporters in tow, a Blackhawk Helicopter lands 15 miles southeast of Iraq's capital on the Tigris River as President Bush emerges to survey the Russian Airliner used to conduct terrorist training at the Salman Pak camp. NBC’s David Gregory shouts out “Mr. President, where are we?” President Bush (with his ever present smirk) yells back “Your standing in the middle of a non existent terrorist camp in Iraq. Ohh, wait, I guess there were terrorist training camps in Iraq, because your standing in it. Feel free to have look around David, and take one of your NBC camera crews with you. Maybe some time on the repelling wall will put a dent in the spare tire around the middle.”

Second Stop Tuwaitha Nuclear Complex
A short hop away via the aforementioned Blackhawk helicopter and the gaggle of press arrive at the sprawling Tuwaitha nuclear complex. President Bush explains that the assembled group has the privilege to see a key component of Iraqs Nucular ambitions (yes he said Nucular, live with it). ABC’s Terry Moran shouts out “What are we looking at? What is here?” President Bush responds “Nearly 2 tons of low-enriched uranium and approximately 1,000 highly radioactive items captured during the war on terror. Careful though, don’t get to close or you might not be able to have kids. On second thought, the idea of you procreating Terry… Get as close as you like.” CBS’ John Roberts bellows “But having uranium doesn’t mean Saddam was an imminent threat Mr. President, does it?” President Bush retorts “No John, maybe he was planning on making uranium paperweights and selling them in the local Bazaar. Just for asking that question, I will make sure you sit next to Mahdi Obeidi on the chopper ride back to Air Force One. In case you didn’t know John, Obeidi is the Iraqi scientist responsible for developing a gas centrifuge, the most direct and efficient route to enriching uranium.” Mr Obeidi emphatically says “It would be my honor to educate him, Mr. President.”

Condi at al-Hatra
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, dressed in a commanding outfit, exits an armored Humvee holding a wreath in one hand. Christian Amanpour exalts, “Madam Secretary, what are we doing here, it is so hot today?” Secretary Rice answers “You are looking at a location which U.S. forces have exhumed a mass grave site which uncovered the remains of scores of people. Many of the bodies found at this site are believed to be the bodies of Kurdish women and children slaughtered by the Saddam Hussein regime. It is at this location, that we are reminded why we answered the call to stop this mad man of the 21st Century, they same way President Roosevelt answered the call to stop the Madman of the 20th Century. It is my honor to lay this wreath of remembrance at this site of human tragedy, much like President Eisenhower visited death camps during his great call to action.” Christian (sobbing) “Why did you bring us hear?” Ms. Rice replies “The truth shall set you free.”

Sometimes the press (and we Americans) need a kick in the pants. Sitting politely waiting in the White House for the press to “come around” doesn’t appear to be working. It’s time for President Bush to grab the Texas steer by the horns. Who knows, maybe if this doesn’t work, Carl Rove can hire Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. “The Simple Life Iraq” has a nice ring to it, and from what I hear they both are out of work (not that they need the paycheck).